Breast Cancer Hurts

Breast Cancer Hurts

 I have had 11 radiation treatments out of a prescribed 30 treatment schedule so far that I began on October 27th.

After 6 treatments, I felt I could not go on. But my medical team convinced me to continue. This is a hard, hard road to travel, a day-by-day one.

This past October was Breast Cancer Awareness month and wow, I have never been so aware of it.

I cannot stress enough how much we need our health and good living and even then, this miserable disease can strike.

First the fear. Then the shock. Then the surgery.  The pain of surgery and the relief of getting the disease out of you in time. They got it all. They got clear margins. The surgery included taking two lymph nodes to see if it had traveled. Both were clean. Another blessing. But sooner or later you have to look in the mirror and face the shock and loss that comes with missing a part of yourself. I had a lumpectomy, but anyway you slice it, it is a partial masectomy and they take more than a lump. And then there is the too long recovery, the pain, the medicated days, the weakness. I spent long weeks sleeping and sitting on the couch reading.

When my strength came back, I was overjoyed. It feels so good, so delicious to jump, to stretch, to feel my vitality again. I have never been a fan of bras, but for now I have to do my aerobics in a sports bra to keep things from hurting, but I'm jumping and dancing again. I'm fairly small on top so with clothes on, even just a sports bra, you'd never know I'd had the surgery. Even naked, it's not too bad anymore, not as drastic as it seemed (like a deflated tire) right after surgery and more like a bite out of my missing lower breast. I try to love it even more these days. It saved my life by presenting the lump early. And after radiation, if it still needs a nip and tuck using some part of my body fat or muscle, these hero docs know how to put you back together.

I love my hero docs. My breast surgeon is the handsomest guy with a big smile and kind eyes and he oozes confidence. It's very helpful to have doctor heroes, especially very handsome ones too. I call mine my Dudley Do Right. He has that kind of Dudley Do Right great hair. And all I ever wanted him to say to me was: "I'll save you, Nell!"

I got a go free from the chemo experience. They have these impressive, expensive tests called Oncotype DX where they send a part of your lump to California and they analyze 21 genes in it that can help predict whether or not you should have it. These tests save lots of women (like me)  from having to undergo such a huge and invasive treatment. Yeah!

But with a lumpectomy, radiation is part of the treatment. I was trying to look at it like intense sunlight therapy.

I'm still trying to be as positive as I can. But this is hard and absolutely shocking to my system. It drains you and can be painful and make you feel so sick and is a very intense thing to go through.

I had no idea it was going to be this hard.

Today is my 12th treatment.

One day at a time.

-bbffair


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